I'm not really a writer, but let me tell you a bit about my parents. I don't think my parents raise me well... When I was young, my parent started to take dancing lessons and after the lessons and through out the week, they always argue and fight. My dad gets angry easily, he puts us down by labeling us and reviewing our mistakes that we've done in the past... and violence. To this day, I'm still afraid of my dad. We weren't raised in a wealthy family, so my parents were really greedy. I used to steal people's stuff at school as a kid. My mom seemed to be really greedy for food. When I was younger, I remember during Halloween, my sister and I had to give my mom all the good candy. She used to hide snacks from us. My mom also likes to stalk my sister and I. She used to creep up behind the refrigerator to see or hear what we're doing. Then after she would repeat what we did so it'll make her look smarter. Also she always walk really quietly up the stairs and creep behind my room to see what I was doing on my computer. I remember there was one point when I started making Youtube videos, but she made me really uncomfortable. She went through my files on my computer, and also went through my phone which made me really pissed. I soon quited making videos. One time she made me ice-cream so that I can leave my room and secretly went through my camera and deleted one of my video. My mom never admits that she's wrong. She always say these really lame excuses that doesn't even make any sense. I currently don't have any hobbies besides studying, but my dad is controlling me on what to study. So, I don't feel like studying. My parents pretty much does everything for me. I'm also a very quiet person, but I managed to have a few friends from school. Recently, my parents took me to a psychologist because I have trouble communicating with others and wished to help me with my problem. Which is true, I have trouble communicating. I should be worrying about myself than to think about what happened to me in the past. Anyone got any advice?
You got it right in that last sentence: It's unfortunate that certain events in your past occurred, but the past is the past. Make goals, list what you want to be better at, and find the way to get to wherever you want to be. For some reason, society frowns on "fake it until you make it", but that's the reality of things. Fake it until you make it, until what you want to be is part of you. If you want to communicate better, pretend to communicate better until you communicate better. If you want to be more outgoing, pretend to be more outgoing until you are outgoing by nature.
Well that is your side of the story so we really must reserve judgement. Your parents may not always do what is best but your story does illustrate that they do have some good intentions at times. Good luck with everything though, but know that things will become very VERY different once you start making money and becoming independent. So even if you really hate the situation, it might seem like the end of the world but it really is not. As for hobbies, starting one has never been easier with the internet and social networks. You'll also learn to be more sociable as you meet more and more people as well.
parents are people you are born with mate If I were you I would study hard, get a good job and a 'better' life if you want to put it that way many people of earth are not 'blessed'' with the life they have, they make their own destiny the only one that can free yourself from this 'hell'(I assume) is YOU your destiny is always in your hand, good or bad, just live it which is a fact of being alive I would also open up to people, talk more, you cant always keep it inside you at all time let it off you will definitely feel much better
I am guessing your family emigrated to Canada. If indeed so, it's pretty typical that you're being treated this way. Anyway, there's no point on dwelling on the past but do keep this in mind, most parents have their children's best interests at heart. Perhaps they didn't know what they did was wrong; at the time, it felt right. There's no such thing as good parenting .. all trial and error in reality. For now, you only see things from your own perspective so it feels like hell. Trying putting yourself in your parents' shoes .. if they didn't give a shit about you, I don't think they will bother bringing you to the psychologist or whatever. Based on your writing above, it seems like you're well aware of your communication problem. If so, then make an effort to hone your skill .. participate in clubs or volunteer in the community .. being active and exposed to such environment will give you more chance to improve your communication skill and meet and interact with more people. Honestly, your parents can't control what you study .. might be nagging you to study more .. lol .. once you're in college, you choose what you want .. no one's there to push and pull you. Parents don't pay? Get a student loan. Can't stay at home? Live in the dorm .. There are so many options out there .. don't feel like you're locked away. In fact, if you wanna get out now, you can contact social services for assistance. Tons of possibilities .. like someone mentioned earlier, your future is in your hand ..you're the one who ultimately make the final decision on how to live your life.
did you ever think that you're parents were really really poor and that's why they hid the food? they may have hidden it so that you wouldn't eat too much too fast in case there would be no food for them to give you in a few days. your father being controlling is an asian thing. some are more strict than others but at the end of the day they care. perhaps they are also more controlling because you appear to be bit more weak and they fear you are making wrong choices and your mom snooping around your things is her way of checking up on you. no matter what their reasoning is stop blaming them for your life being the way it is. its not their fault or yours. keep talking to the shrink and it'll get better
Marshmallow_Boy: The fact you have made and kept a few friends proves your communication isn't as bad as you think. Leave your comfort zone but also have fun getting to know others & give others the chance to know you. If you're quiet at home, start opening up to your parents - they don't know how you think or what you're thinking. They only want the best for you. If you dislike their behavior, talk to them. Tell them you don't like being checked up on, ask them to respect your privacy. Anything you like, dislike, speak up. Have a voice for yourself. Continue making Youtube videos. Continue to do what makes you happy. Who knows, you might end up being a famous youtuber or a film editor. If your mum wants to have a look, show her what you've been up to. Let people into your world & grow with them. Also about the past...let bygones be bygones. The past has shaped who you are, accept that and move on to more positive things. Do better things with your time...start creating memories you want to keep. Good Luck
I'm sad today because my dad is still controlling me. He keeps telling me with to do for my school work. I know how to work on my own, he's retelling me what is being posted on our school website and telling me what to do. I already know what to do. I don't feel like studying sometimes because I don't feel I'm responsible for my work. I feel like I'm studying for my dad, and not studying it for myself. My uncle doesn't like him because he used to live my parents before I was born, and he always fight with my dad. I feel sorry for myself when my cousin asked me if I have a dad. :( He keeps labeling me, giving me death threats, violent, think he's so smart, has no respect and manners, keeps referring to my past. I told this to my mom tonight, and she agrees on it. I'm ok with my mom. I like to tell her jokes. Video in Cantonese: I'm really scared to talk with my dad. It's not easy. My parents always fight because of this. I'm ok at school. I like to perform weird stuff in front of my friends and building model airplanes, and I'm going to Summer camp with my friends. My life has always been school and I'm not really good at it, so that sort of sucks. ----------------------------- I didn't go the that therapist anymore because my dad keeps saying he's a scammer. lol ok.
That recording... In a word, wow... First off Marshmallow boy (and I think I can appreciate the wherefore; your choice of moniker), I was rather stunned by the brutal and incessant nature of the demeaning browbeating; the recording (and that's all I'm going by) is demonstrative of not only poor parenting skills, but toxic to the point that I would label it as being admissible if ever used in court proceedings. The hurtful and deeply hateful things that were spoken by your dad is IMHO, qualifies legally as psychological abuse. There are several issues here that needs exploring; first and foremost, is the background. There's a saying that 'fruit rarely falls far from the tree' and what that means is, your dad is probably the spitting image of his dad (ie. your grand pa). After all, we learn how to be parents from, who else? Our parents. Much as I hate to admit it, I'm more like my dad than I ever care to be. Hence, the lack of parenting skills, or in your case, your dad's toxic parenting techniques were probably inherited from a long familial lineage. Having said that, we all have imperfect fathers to some degree; that doesn't mean that we should all run out and be put into psychological counseling. Depending on our individual resilience, some can do quite well even without it. On the other hand, some are basket cases even WITH counseling. The idea is, the wounds he carried from his father, doesn't need to be the wounds you carry to your (future) son or daughter. You can decide not to participate in that chain of psychological damage and inheritance, and you can decide if you need professional help doing it. The other issue is response and that opens up a whole bag of worms. Obviously, there's a heck of a lot of pressure here. I've seen people react to such pressure in a variety of ways. The abysmal scenarios that are running through my mind right now are: 1) the abused commits suicide, leaving him a note saying "It's what you wanted all the time, right? So remember, you did this to me..." (Suicide motivation of revenge, to inflict psychic pain and get back at someone who you are otherwise powerless to hurt; but in the end you're the one who really suffers - facet of abnormal psychology); or 2) he walks in and is suddenly and repeatedly stabbed in his gut with a 14 inch kitchen knife, as the abused screams, "...wish I was dead, huh? ...wish I was never born, huh? ...better to have had a piece of roast pork than me, huh?" ...and before he finally succumbs, screams at him, "...and mom told me I'm really someone else's son, ha ha ha...!" Obviously, those two scenarios, while extreme and perhaps entertaining in a macabre sense, aren't worthy of real consideration. If you were seriously thinking of either one, then I would ask you to seek professional help immediately. Having said that, to your credit, you can sit back and attempt analysis, which in and of itself, shows a good deal of maturity which has protected you from doing something rash or stupid (ie. the two other scenarios above, LOL..) However, living in such a toxic environment is not only unhealthy, it's dangerous, especially when someone constantly threatens violence against their children. My suggestion is for you to start exploring your locality's children's protective services if you're still a minor, or if you're of age, to simply move out. IMHO, even joining the military would be easier than having to deal with the incessant psychological torture on a daily basis. But, either way, it's going to take a bit of gumption on your part. That is, for you to no longer be a "marshmallow" boy, so to speak. I wish you well.
Does your school offer any sort of counselling? I'm sure where you are, there should be some sort of free service available
by that audio clip.... i'm so sorry you are going through this. until i heard that i didn't think it was so bad. deep inside you is courage and strength. keep that audio clip. talk to your uncle and see if you can go and live with him. then you go to your school counsellor and tell them everything and play them that clip. try to record as many of those audios as you can. it's your best proof to demonstrate just how bad it is and why you can live with him anymore. one of these days you will snap and i pray that it never turns violent. you are being abused plain and simple. he isn't just controlling you. he's told you to commit suicide! it's not going to get any better. dont feel like there's no one out there for you to turn too. Do you live in Canada? if so call the Kids Help Phone (for kids and teens) 1-800-668-6868 and you can speak to a counsellor please get help.
-Today, my parents were fighting and my mom left the house. Only my dad and I were in the house, which wasn't a good thing. -Ya, my grandma told us that my dad was afraid of my grandfather, so maybe that's why he's like that. I don't think about death even when he says those stuff, but I sometimes get really angry and break stuff. -When I get a job and earn some money, I will move out for sure. -My sister is older than me, and she works now so I guess she has responsibility. She's luckier than me because she has a boyfriend so she has more chance of communicate with someone other than my parents. She's not mature like me, and she doesn't have any other friends or hobbies, but she is able to act mature when other people besides my family are around. -The therapist told my parents that I have no mental problems that I needed to do more house work, and said that my parents were controlling me too much. The therapist said this stuff needs to be done at home, my dad says that if it's done at home why do we need to come to you. My dad says he already knows what the therapist saying and he's just repeating everything from the first page of a psychology textbook. Also, the therapist was charging us $188 per hour, we didn't want to pay after my dad's insurance reached it's limits. My dad was saying shit about him after we left I'm glad that he's saying that about him because I don't really want to go to that place. -Nah, I don't think I should continue recording these audio because I don't really want to remember these bad stuff from my past. -It's always about school for me and nothing else. So right now I'll try create more activities for myself like drawing, filming, working out, and maybe learning to play guitar And to communicate more with my mother and sister. Anyway, I like how Dan said "fake it until you make it".
Wow... I'm so sorry that you were witness to such a poisonous environment.. But please remember to not let this get to your head. There's nothing wrong with you. You have great potential, and once you move out, you can achieve great things. Instead of looking at this in a negative manner, be an observant. Learn from it and extract lessons from your situation that allows you to become a better and stronger person. Remember to never let your confidence be damaged by the words of others.
I just heard the recording and honestly, it was nothing; frankly couldn't even compare to what my dad said to me when I was a kid. However, I guess a person's resiliency varies .. perhaps it's too much for you to handle. Asian men usually build a wall around their emotions; don't show it or don't know how to show it. They don't say "I love you" or "sorry". Being macho or whatever you called it. Saying stuff like "go hell", "f--k off", and/or "son of a b-tch" are very typical when they're angry and/or frustrated .. I think your dad didn't mean to hurt you; perhaps it's his way to show he's worried or care about you. I know it's crazy but yeah .. that's how Asian men or in your case, uneducated Asian men act/behave .. very normal. Of course, I can't be 100% sure ... gotta consider how he usually act physically too .. does he punch you? stab you?? kick you??? .. does he drink alcohol??? All these situations add up. Otherwise, don't take it too heart. If you really can't stand it, then seek help. Have you tried talking to him .. telling him that you don't like it when he talks to you that way .. makes you depressed or whatsoever. Again, I was in a lot worst condition than you .. I still love and care for my parents very much. Of course, I don't treat my kid and wife that way .. we talk .. no shouting and yelling in my home. If typing/writing here help you in any way, then do it .. sometimes getting some feedback help too ... especially from complete strangers.
Wow, seriously after hearing that recording I never thought someone will actually say that to his kid. I can only thought they come from an old TVB drama. I feel for you mate and I wish you well From the recording I can sense he is really worried about you but it is the way that he is expressing his feeling. I dont think he really means of you to be dead. like others have said it is most likely the way he was brought up and the people he interacted with to produce such poisonous language. Yes ''fake it till you make it'' is prob the best strategy for you right now. Frankly, you still need his money for now. Try to talk more to your cousin and uncle. Speak more to friends. I am sure they will help you. I also sure our members here on PA will help you anyway we can. Just how old are you now buddy? I think you should really concentrate on your studies. Always remember that your are studying for yourself, never for anybody else. Knowledge is a mans best asset.
Wow, Your dad is pretty rough. I grew up in a pretty similar environment. My dad would always talk down to me, and when I was 5-6, he would say things like I will send you to Africa to starve with those kids. At the time, I thought it was was true and scared as shit. Though out the year, my dad wouldn't support me at all. I just took everything with a grain of salt. I guess thats what makes me so forgetful because I don't want to remember what he said. I now have the shortest memory, which is a good thing i guess? Everything he said, I did exactly the opposite. I tried my best to prove him wrong in all the things that he doubted me for. I never took a single penny form him to this day. I never asked for help from him at all. I earned it all myself I'm 27 now, own my condo for 3 years, own my car for 4 years, not a university graduate, got a good paying job. Good Luck OP
