Hi everyone! So here's the situation. I've been dating this girl for a month. I really like her too! And she knows it. One night she invites me out to the club with her friends. The whole night, she was focused on socializing with her friends... So I felt pretty neglected. That doesn't even matter! Then she goes and dances with some guy... the guy is basically groping on her... it seemed like a makeout session more than dancing (You guys get what I mean). So by that time, I'm already pissed. I was so disturbed at the time that I really didn't even wanted to speak or look at her. So I just stayed and danced/socialized with my friends. Like 15 mins before the club closed, I said my farewells to my friends (not her) and left. It's been 4 days and we haven't had any communication since. We used to IM a lot, but now... we're both online and nothing. What should I do? Have a bigger heart and talk to her first? Forget about her and move on? Please give me some advice! Thanks!
I hear that going clubbing with the person you like or am dating is a big no no because of scenarios like this. I've experienced something like this a couple weeks ago, so I know how you feel. Watching another guy all over the girl you like is certainly disheartening. I think you should talk to her. The whole silent game is stupid
iris knows his shit. a) Don't go with any prospective love interest to a club/bar, unless its a place where you can have an intimate setting. She's more than likely going to get drunk and dance with other guys. I won't even take my girlfriend to a club, however I don't mind when she goes out with friends, if she chooses to dance with another guy its fine by me as long as she's having fun and its nothing intimate. At the end of the day i know i'm the one she cares the most about, so its fine. (you're not going to have this security in the first couple stages of the relationship though, so you should try to just avoid these situations). b) You might as well try to talk to her, its not like she was having sex with another guy infront of you. Right now you're just wasting time if you're still interested. Man up and text her or someshit.
Oh, whatever you do though, don't blame her and be like. "Fuck you bitch, you asked me out and then shafted me all night." gets you no where. better to be cool and ask her if she had fun and maybe mention that you were hoping you would have been able to spend more time together because you like being around her. Don't get into arguments you can't win. let her know that you felt kind of shafted, but you hope she enjoyed herself anyway. Always take the high road. If she tries to cover by saying that you weren't forward enough and you didn't make any move on her, counter that shit by saying you weren't fully comfortable asking her to spend more time with you in a situation like that. You can ask her if she'd be willing to try again and maybe go out for coffee with you instead, or something more casual. Also, if you're doing this in a text/IM use lots of smiley faces.
maybe you should ask her if she's really serious in going on with you... from what i read, she could very well be just "testing" you or the relationship...
my guess is that she's testing if you're a "fit" into her circle of friends and life. perhaps you didn't make the cut. you didn't do anything when she was dancing w/ the guys whom like you said were groping her and shit. you went about your way talking to your friends and stuffs. shit .. that's not even date. based on that alone, you didn't make the cut. so it's best to move on. relationship takes work but you gotta HIT IT OFF on the first round. without that, even ya'll get together later .. the relationship won't last.
how serious is the relationship?? If I had a bf and saw him dancing/groping with some girl (or other way round) i would be very annoyed!! Then again you both may be on different levels of knowing what is okay and what is not okay between the both of yous. Don't ignore each other but communicate with each other and be honest. A lot of relationships don't work out due to miscommunication, assumptions made-rather than being open with each other about "what bothers them" If she clearly sees that doing all this is fine and nothing wrong with it..then i don't think you should be with her...
are u really dating or wanting to go after her? if the latter, this might be a way of her to piss u off so that you'll stop bugging her. anyhow, it's your call...
To be honest, I would just communicate and if it doesn't work out just move on. It seems like she has no consideration for you if she's going to invite you somewhere and then ditches you for another guy and shows you no attention. How far do you think your going to go in the relationship if something like this is continuous? Think of it as a positive thing, your only 1 month into this thing, and if what she revealed to you is going to be a on going problem and your not able to accept it, you should just cut it off here while it's still early. More pain later if your going to try to brush this off and make it work.
Dude dont call her man or IM her. Y would u want a girl who does that anyways. U asking for trouble man. I hate the waiting game, most of the time i usually call and communicate even tho it wasnts my fault and was hers. U cant live without them or live with them. Sux bro. I would say f it and move one to a diff girl or better yet go find a hotter girl and show her what she is missing out!
Thanks for all the input guys... I basically went pass the whole groping thing at the club. We've talked and went thru some difficult stuff. Ive been going out with her on dates ever since, but there are lots of problems in our relationship because of the kind of person she is. I accidentally figured out a secret she had, and she admitted to it. A secret that would probably piss off, disturb, and hurt any guy knowing about it. I chose to ignore her past and stay with her. She questions me... doubts me... she asks "In a month, how can u have such deep feelings for someone?" She basically feels that I have an objective.. trying to get her into bed or something. She doesn't believe that someone so forgiving exists... Someone that doesn't mind her past. Maybe if I didn't knew her secret, this would be different... I don't blame her after the a-hole XBF she had. I ask my self the same thing... why do I have such deep feelings for her? It's because Ive never encountered someone that can make me feel so at ease. We can talk about anything for hours and hours and not feel bored or have any awkward silents. Basically, her past is complicated and it's catching up to her. Making us unable to move forward. She hasn't given me a definite answer if she will accept me or reject me. I think about her everyday. Unable to sleep or eat right. We started on a break last night. I don't know when will this break end or when will I get my answer... It's just stressful to wait for something that doesn't have a deadline. And I don't want to pressure her. I'll endure it and wait till she's ready to decide... Thanks for reading guys >.> It's good to spill out stuff that bothers ur heart.
Sorry... I promised not to tell anyone. Just think of something that would hurt u very badly if u knew that the person u liked did something like that. One thing I can say is that she wasn't cheating. Sorry!
So let me get this straight... because she thinks your like any other a-hole guy whose trying to get in her pants, she can go do anything she wants with disregards to your feelings? So what's the point of her starting this relationship in this first place? Your treading into a pool of deep s**t if you ask me. But if you have the patience to wait it out on her part, kudos to you. If not, I'd suggest you run, not walk.
dear...go all out with your big heart and never give up...if you are hurt..she will be sensitive and she hear you..
So the saga continues... Here's a summary of what happened afterwards... I didn't give up and she finally became my GF. To continue the story, I need to explain a little bit about her background. She's from HK and she was here in the US for a temporary job (1 year). Meaning she had signed a contract with this company for 1 year and her working visa would expire in a year... Her company had provided her an apartment with other roomies... but she got fired after an internal dispute with higher ups. Meaning she had to leave the apartment complex within 24 hours because she didnt work for them anymore and fly back to HK. Seeing this happening to her, I took her in... she dint want to go back to HK, because it seemed shameful? to get fired... she basically told her parents that she was still working for that company when she was living with me... she lived with me till her visa got expired and returned to HK. Now here's the thing... we lived together for 6 months... we were basically married and seeing each other everyday... we're currently holding a long distance relationship, but Im confused... The first 2 weeks she went back, we were fine. She would text me, IM, cam, or even call me everyday..so there wasn't any lack of communication... but as time went on, we started to communicate less and less... bcuz she had stopped doing the things she was doing when she first got back. No more text, cam, IM, or calls. Or when we did get to talk, she didn't seem excited. When we chat on IM, she seemed not foused on our convo and would reply with bogus answers... like a reply that had nothing to do with our conversation... so I would ask her questions about our relationship? and she'd say "你好煩呀"... It's like she doesn't care about me anymore.. and she said it on the phone too! "I don't love u as much anymore" I feel kind of frustrated because she was the one that encouraged me about this long distance relationship... I told her that I would relocate to HK just for her but apparently she can't wait anymore. And she's been going out to parties/clubs a lot lately... returning home in the morning, so I haven't really communicated with her for 3 days... We talked on the phone 3 days ago and she still calls me her "honey, darling, husband, etc..." But I am confused... how can someone change like the weather? "I don't love u as much anymore", "Lets breakup", "I miss you", "Honey"... during one of our arguments, she basically said that she'd accept another guy if the feelings were right... that really hurt me bcuz if she had asked me the same question. I would say No because she's the only one I like. We haven't spoken for 3 days, but last time we spoke she said she misses me and a lot of other stuff... The past 3 days, Ive seen her online but she hasnt said Hi to me at all. And now Valentines day is right around the corner... Should I call her? But I still feel very hurt from her words...
