("Sir, thank you for cooperating with TSA regulations, but this is the 6th time you've been through security. You really don't need to come back here anymore.") Man Takes Viagra, Wears Sweatpants for TSA (Transportation Security Administration) Pat Down NASHVILLE INT’L AIRPORT — A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging erection on Tuesday, daring TSA officers and even fellow passengers to give him an invasive pat down. “I’m next,” Warren Kelvin, 34, screamed as he pushed to the front of the security line. According to TSA officials, Kelvin had ingested two Viagra and wore sweatpants without boxers for his Southwest flight from Nashville to Phoenix. “I thought he was carrying a baton in his pants,” said Amanda Watershed, second shift supervisor of the A Terminal at Nashville International Airport. “Nope… That was his penis.” Even though TSA officials allowed Kelvin to initially pass through security without the controversial pat down, the passenger on more than one occasion got back in line until he felt that he had been thoroughly inspected. Kelvin finally got the invasive pat down by 38-year-old officer Duncan Allbright after 80 minutes and four trips through security. “Even after we let him pass through he kept walking out of the terminal and getting back in line,” said Watershed. “Finally, Duncan had to bite the bullet for everyone and do a thorough screening of him in a private [security] room.” Allbright, a 14-year veteran of airport security, announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.” U.S Homeland Security director Janet Napolitano dismissed concerns that more TSA officers would quit or that more travelers would take similar measures to get their “jollies”. “I am hoping this is an isolated incident. If flights were a lot cheaper, I could see more people doing this,” said Napolitano, “but with the cost of airplane fuel rising, I don’t think $560 roundtrip is a bargain price to get fondled.” Calls to TSA headquarters went unanswered, as everyone there is just exhausted. Source: The Washington Fancy Disclaimer: The Washington Fancy is an online publication that satirizes political affairs, ranging from domestic issues to international intrigue
Disorderly conduct and carrying a weapon, should have already identified him as someone to be pulled off the line and be arrested (had this been anything besides satire...) :biggthumpup: But, remember this?: [video=youtube;6Bp5_1mywJg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Bp5_1mywJg[/video] Oh, and here's another genre related 'tongue in cheek' video that I've found similarly humorous: [video=youtube;TBL3ux1o0tM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBL3ux1o0tM[/video]
I'd think that they do the pat-down (in real life) either way, no matter how unpleasant it would be for them or the "victim". Maybe they draw straws or something to choose the guy who has to do it though...
lol sweatpants but the pic is jeans. i like the idea. now only if someone was insane enough to go and do this.
