How Scientology Works

fearless_fx · May 15, 2007

Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack.

Xenu the alien ruler Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were overpopulated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan.

Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers).

These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed.

The story doesn't end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a "thetan" in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper).

After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called "implanting".

When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies.

As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today.

That is the end of the story. And so today everyone is full of these clusters of souls called "body thetans". And if we are to be a free soul then we have to remove all these "body thetans" and pay lots of money to do so. And the only reason people believe in God and Christ was because it was in the film their body thetans saw 75 million years ago.
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-_-2 This L. Ron Hubard dude must have been smoking some good herb. lol but if you think about it, its not too much more insane than a lot of other religions -sweat

master_g · May 15, 2007

a program came on about Scientology yesterday.... im to tired to think of anything else to say. gn

Taxloss · May 15, 2007

That Hubbard started as a pulp SciFi writer, can't imagine how sane people can believe his theory or theories. -huh

Knoctur_nal · May 15, 2007

to each his own.

kdotc · May 15, 2007

tom cruise and scientology hahaahahahah

fearless_fx · May 16, 2007

damned body thetons messin me up

fayenatic · May 26, 2007

what I am always unclear about is this:

Do people attack scientology because of its belief system or because for some reason or other, scientology had done them harm to begin with?

Just because we don't have the same belief system as others, it doesnt make others crazy.

For a "crazy" person, Tom Cruise is one amazing entrepreneur.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Scientologist_celebrities

Looks like theres a small trend of celebrities who once believed in Catholiscm and now follows scientology.

peachy · May 26, 2007

I always wondered what scientology was. I thought it had something to do with science.

master_g · May 26, 2007

lol i did to, i thought it was some kind of Christianity mixed with biology or watnot.

blehgg · May 30, 2007

Man this religion was made by a guy who wrote a science fiction novel about it...

Its like saying that being a Jedi is a religion... but apparently as long as you have 100 members and 300 bucks you can make what ever you like.... =="

nyckeion · May 30, 2007

seems alot more like a story that someone wants to have attention

edli888 · May 30, 2007

I would say it is a cult rather than a religion.

pto88 · Jun 2, 2007

when I think of Scientology, Tom Cruise comes to mind....and that's not a good thing.

hiake · Jun 2, 2007

Since someone dug this thread back up, I think I should throw in my two cents...

Scientology = The ultimate oxymoron

Science is NOT a religion =_=bbb I can't say if it is a bigger oxymoron than "Business ethics"

Anyways, I guess there are people who want to have all their bases covered...

master_g · Jun 2, 2007

when I think of Scientology, Tom Cruise comes to mind....and that's not a good thing.
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all that placenta eating and going crazy on Oprah lol

How Scientology Works

fearless_fx Eugooglizer

master_g .

Taxloss Stripper Vicar

Knoctur_nal |Force 10 from Navarone|

kdotc 안녕하세요빅뱅K-Dragon입니다

fearless_fx Eugooglizer

fayenatic Well-Known Member

peachy Well-Known Member

master_g .

blehgg New Member

nyckeion ....Boo....

edli888 Active Member

pto88 Well-Known Member

hiake Vardøgr of da E.Twin

master_g .