.. I hate it whenever this happens, its pisses me off and makes me feel like crap. I hate it when I drift away from my friends. When they find new people to hang with and stop talking to me as much and we don't hang out as much. Yeah, happens a lot to me. With this one particular person though, it happens all the time. I've always been like a background friend, thats considered a best friend.. or at least was. She has lots of friends and she finds time with them all of them. Before it was okay.. I'm not gonna cling on to my friends and force them to stick with me. She'd call me once in awhile to talk and she'd tell me about all the fun times she had with her other friends. Friends that I have never met. and I'd just sit a listen. Most of the time she'd call just to call. We would have the phone next to us and we would both be doing something and we would just enjoy the silence. What a waste of the phone bill, I know. We had the kind of relationship where we just knew that the other person is there and we didn't really need to say anything. Still, it seems she floating farther away and I can't stop her. I have only one class with her which is the way it has always been(except for the year we had no classes with each other), if I wasn't the only person that she knew/liked in that class, she'd probally wouldn't even talk to me that much. She goes on a lot of trips (She's in band and goes on a ton of band trips) For Spring Break, they went to Hawaii. I found out she called these two people everyday that she was there. She only met them this year. I feel that she doesn't even think of me anymore, like when she talks of her friends, she never lists or even mentions me. You know how you get gifts for your friends when you go somewhere? Well she did that. She got a bunch of one thing. Everyone got something different. I found out she had chose and set aside different ones for special people. Turns out.. when she gave me something it was just what was left and what everyone else didn't want. She's always planning to do things with her friends, I have no problem with that, but when she asks me for my opinions and invites people right in front of me (When I'm not invited) it pisses me off like hell. Geez, thanks for asking if Id like to go. <-- She does this all the time and I used to be able to handle it, cause it was always once in awhile. She'd still invite me and stuff. Some of these people are my friends too, but what now I can't hang out with them cause im not invited too? Whenever she does this, I get soo mad and I get quiet and reserved and try not to show her I'm pissed, but when she comes and starts talking to me like everything is okay, I want to explode. Thanks for reading that, it was just to get it out. ~Air
Just letting you know, you're not being ignored. I read it and I feel ya, been there myself once upon a time.
Whoo long post! I know what you mean. When my friends and I got in high school, some of us went in to different programs so we don't see each other as often. We just slowly drifted apart and eventually lost communication with each other. Until now, we each have our own group of friends and whenever I see them in the halls, its really awkward and just merely say hi. It's been 4 years already and sometimes I just wonder what happened to our friendship over these years. It's like I don't even know them anymore. Even with the ones I kept in touch with, they have their own friends now, so I know how you feel. Don't feel ignored, though. If you feel the need, talk to your friend about how you feel. Sometimes you need to take the innitiative to ask people to hang out, and you may even make new friends
you know, its an unfortunate reality that sometimes friends just drift away -- but you should always be clear in your mind: you should only be with ppl who want to be with you. friendships are a 2-way thing so if the other person isnt giving back, then its just you hanging onto a friendship that may have been long gone
Yeh I had a similar situation when I started college, my friends started meeting new people etc, and I ended up hanging with them less and less. In the beginning I felt pissed that they left me out, then I realise it was really my fault for not trying to make new friends. So I just decided f*ck it and just made loadsa new friends. And in the end it was my old friends that started coming over to me and my new group of friends when they didnt have anyone to hang with
It's sad that friend's can drift apart by money matters. Years ago I lent a small sum of money to a close friend and many years later when I met him, I brought the subject up. To cut a long story short, he was furious saying that I should not remind him about that sum of money and as we are friend's it should not matter. Well, I don't know how you feel, but that was it for me!Recently, I saw his article in a newspaper expounding his business. I got his email from the article and to this day, I still don't know whether I should contact him once more- not for the money but to renew what was unfortunately, a good relationship.
Well if it bothers you so much, you should really talk to her about it. And if she's a true friend, she'll change her ways... if not, then that should be a good indication of where you stand in her life.
Thanks for all the feedback. I don't want to talk to her about it because.. well I guess I'm scared of what she'd think, and how'd she'd react. Our friendship isn't something that I want to lose, it's one of the longest I've ever had. And if she really doesn't want to be around me, I think I'd get really depressed. I'm all for the make new friends thing, but whenever I do, it's almost as if she uses me, because about a week later, she'd be hanging out with them too. With the making new friends thing, I want something that's mine and I don't want to have to share with her.
feel your pain. experiencing the same situation right now. i just have to wonder how could they act as if everything is cool.
oh my god, I swear in freshman year of high school I had a friend just like this!!! we considered each other as "best friends" and all, but really, we had completely different priorities in life. I think the only reason why we considered each other as best friends was because we had a very similar personality and shared a few common interest. although, she was always more worried about boys and popularity, whereas I was always more worried about school and such. hanging out with her was like a competition because we always felt like we had to outshine one another. we talked on the phone every once in a while but it'd always be her talking about her latest shopping sprees or gossip about the girls at our school. eventually, I moved schools, and now, we hardly even keep in touch.. but I'm so glad because now I've met new friends who treat me the way friends are supposed to be treated. she's currently going out with this one senior dude and I heard that she's really bad now. sometimes, I do miss her because we did know each other from elementary school up until high school, and we did share some nice moments. but, I know that our "friendship" would never work out, so I don't let the memories get in the way of things.
I'm not going too. I'm going to just ride things out and lead them to where they may. If we don't continue being friends, I'm fine with that, I do have other friends. If we continue being friends, I'm okay with that as well. And then there's always the chance on us just not being as good as friends, but I decided I don't care anymore. She doesn't give me the respect that I give her, and I decided I'm can't respect her if she doesn't respect me. Although, I am still upset that she ditched me on our movie today, but I'm working to it, in little steps.
Airree, I totally see myself in that situation too once upon a time. well something similar to it, although not quite your extreme. i too used to be that background girl, until i started working in university and started making friends there and also at school. it took forever to make new friends, but i did it. but guess what time also heals. people that you have seen around but never really talked to, can sometimes be a really close friend just when u least expect it. the fact of life is that people do drift apart and change, and now it is time to put yourself ahead. life is too short to deal with this kind of stress that you just don't need in your life. i am not saying to ignore this friend of yours forever, but you also have to realise like finding a significant other, there are always plenty of other fishes around.
If u know these friend for long time, they will be here for u, if u need them to help u or something. But I understand abt your amotion though this.
friends come and go. nothing is ever static or forever. the 'forever friends' phrase is an idealistic notion, not reality. People change and you yourself change too. Contributions and efforts to maintain friendship should be balanced and its quality, not quantity.
I had a lot of problems like that in the past. Three of my closest friends ended up being my enemies. One was because we were being immature back in seventh grade, but the other two were just results of incompatibility like what yours. My second friend and I were closest friends for a few years because of so many similarities that we share. We used to talk on the phone every day and his mom would ask us if we were gay, haha. But 2 years into high school, he suddenly found high school popularity very important and, not to be offensive, started acting like he was black. He started off disagreeing with things I said, as if he was suddenly enlightened about something in life and wanted to be more accepted in the views of popular culture (hip-hop, stuff like that). My last friend... well, we haven't really become enemies, but I hate him and I make it very understandable, =). I honestly say that he's not a bad person, but we're incompatible. He's an arrogant bastard... and I think I'm somewhat like that, so we don't fit together. It's hard to analyze what happened in the mental level. But, the fact is, I was the only one who had a car and I drove all the time, so I always felt like the guy who does everything for everybody and it makes me feel good to know that my friends appreciate what I do. He didn't make me feel that by always farting- no matter how much people talk about it. He's always competitive and constantly tries to make people believe he's better than somebody around him. And, I don't like people who try to rub it in that they're better. ... So yeah, I was bored and decided to get some things out. About what you're experiencing, I don't understand the relationship you had with your friend. From what you wrote, I perceived that your friend was always very social and kept you out of her other social circles, yet she came back to you after all the fun was over to have a talk about it. You were in the background, yet you two had a special bond that's hard to define and you got some leftover souvenir. In my mind, it sounds like you're siblings, haha.
Well gee, thanks. I guess I'm not so much annoyed about our relationship, but more so of the person she has become, She is/was one of my closest friends and shes a good person. But some of the people she has been hanging around influence her negatively. She now continuously takes advantage of others, including me. I wouldn't mind so much, if she'd give back too, but if I ask her to do me a little favor, out comes a no.
